


Medical Naratives

by ParaNex1ble



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Autistic Medic, BLU, Blood and Violence, Depression, Graphic Description of Corpses, PTSD, Respawn, Sensory Overload, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-14 13:06:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16913397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParaNex1ble/pseuds/ParaNex1ble
Summary: A set of short drabbles featuring your local BLU MedicChapter Summaries posted in notes





	1. Late Nights

**Author's Note:**

> The Medic finds himself alone with his thoughts on one of many long nights.
> 
> It goes just about as well as it usually does.
> 
> Words : 845

Dr. Ludwig; The Medic; That Maniac With A Bonesaw: These were all titles he was plenty accustomed to hearing, to the point that he often felt the name printed his paperwork was someone else's. But being on the battlefield- especially one as absurd as this- for years upon years could do that to a man.

He had no qualms with his reputation, at least that's what he repeated to himself until his teammates were retired for the night and he was left only with his feathered companions and raging insanity.

Out in the field, Ludwig had no time for these thoughts; With crossfire blazing and battle wounds rampant he barely could spare a snarky remark at the enemy teams between heals. But here, when the moon was high and the lights low, he was everything short of a slave to his subconscious.

Most nights he could stick a needle full of melatonin in his veins and knock himself out before those thoughts could reach him. But on busy evenings where he lost track of time and stayed far too awake into the latest of hours, there was no escape from his mind.

Tonight was one of the latter, piles of paperwork and reports sat upon his desk and his beloved Archimedes perched on his shoulder. Ludwig was alone all save for that precious dove and it's many companions. He spared a glance at the digital clock to his side and swore. 1:36 am it flashed in bold red, signalling his ignorance of time's passage.

At this hour a dose of melatonin would have him sleep in well past what would be acceptable. He sighed and resigned to simply continue working, with no use forcing himself to rest when his insomnia remained insatiable.

But now aware of his surroundings, keeping his mind upon the report was almost impossible.The air around him was bitter and dry, thick with the stench of chemicals. A couple of doves sat on a counter across the room, cooing to one another in conversations Ludwig could never hope to translate. A gust of wind past outside caused a dead bush to rattle it's twigs against the window in sharp taps.

Ludwig's breathing became unsteady- He was all too aware of that as well- and his grip on his pen tightened. He forced himself to swallow only to find his throat dry and rough. All of a sudden his coat was too heavy, collar too tight, glasses out of place and impossible to adjust satisfyingly. Ludwig couldn't focus, the words on his paper seemed alien and illegible. He needed to get out of this room, out of this building, out of this body-

The pen snapped, and thick ink splatter across his paper and desk. Archimedes let out a startled squeal and hastily retreated to a safer perch.

The report, already crumpled and marked with shakily-written text, was now drenched in black ink that rendered in completely useless. Ludwig's hand was equally as stained, as well as cut by the sharp pieces of his now shattered pen; Crimson droplets pushed out from beneath his skin an mixed with the ink.

With a heavy, shuddering exhale, Ludwig forced himself to stand on shaking knees and make his way to the sink. Barely managing to bring the water to a decent temperature, he ran the injured hand under the faucet and hissed as it stung as his open wound.

The water alone did little-to-nothing to remove the black stain on his palm, but he couldn't bother working any further at it. Turning off the tap and moving along, Ludwig searched his cabinets for a bandage. Each colorful box he found in his stashes didn't seem to sit well with him, but he eventually settled for a black bandaid with jagged white stripes in a somewhat zebra-like pattern.

With the cut mildly cleaned and covered, Ludwig returned to his desk to discard of the ruined report and apologize to his frightened companion. Archimedes landed gracefully on his wrist and attempted to inspect at the new bandage, Ludwig could only smile fondly at his dear friend's curiosity.

Although a decent stack of papers still remained to be filed, no efficient work could be done with his only pen now in pieces. Ludwig decided he could ask the Engineer for a new one in the morning.

The clock now read a quarter to two, Ludwig may be able to salvage a few hours rest if he retired now. With a sigh, he removed his partially stained coat and felt no energy to change into his nightclothes, instead falling dejectedly upon his matress and staring towards the blank ceiling.

Archimedes flew off once more, but before disappointment could set in he returned with two other doves, only distinguishable by their different size and stature. Ludwig allowed himself to smile as the delicate birds sat upon his chest and nestled into their own sleep.

Perhaps tomorrow would be difficult considering this lack of proper rest, but Ludwig decided he could manage, just as he has many nights before.


	2. Trustworthy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Medic knows that he doesn't have the most comforting presence. As an eccentric surgeon with a tendency for bloodlust he couldn't expect anyone to be keen on trusting him.
> 
> That doesn't mean it didn't ever hurt.
> 
> Words : 936

Battles often left Ludwig drained of strength both mentally and physically, after tending to his teammates remaining wounds he would almost always retire to his study or bedroom to be alone until dinner called.

Today's battle was just as wearing, and once Ludwig had finally shooed a whining soldier out of his medbay he had no hesitance in locking himself behind the door of his office and slumping in the leather chair behind his desk.

He undressed of his bloodsoaked coat and gloves and tossed them carelessly in the general direction of the bench off to the side.

Before he could retreat into his thoughts, however, there was the somewhat distant sound of his infirmary doors swinging open.

“Yo doc! Where you at?” The Scout shouted, successfully disturbing the many doves nested around the room. Ludwig grimaced and stayed silent, hoping the boy would assume he wasn't there and leave. Unfortunately, his prayers went unanswered and perhaps blatantly laughed at as Scout looked through the glass of his office door.

Ludwig sighed dramatically and pulled himself back up, opening the door and, perhaps with a bit too much bite in his voice, asked Scout what he wanted.

“Yeah so I got this cut on my arm and it looks gross ‘s shit can you take a look at it?” Scout said while fiddling awkwardly as his bandages. Ludwig stared at the boy incredulously.

“Und you couldn't let me know about zhis vhen I checked on you earlier?” He drawled, wanting nothing more than to slam the blasted door in Scout's face. But he was a medic, and so he had to at least listen.

“Ehhhhh..it didn't hurt that bad earlier?” Scout rubbed his neck and looked seemingly anywhere but toward the Medic, who let out a frustrated sigh and ushered the Scout aside.

“ugh, fein. But don't expect me to be so gracious next time.” Ludwig brought Scout over to his operating table, trying to ignore how tense and uneased the younger boy became in it's presence.

He took Scouts arm and almost immediately found the culprit. A small cut, perhaps only 2 inches across, was slashed not to deeply into the Scout's underarm. It could have been very easily fixed with some disinfectant and a bandage if it had been tended to sooner, but now it was encircled by blots of green and purple, spewing trace amounts of puss and blood.

He didn't even want to guess how it got into such a state so quickly.

“Vell it ist definitely infected, I may have to do some vork on it to make sure it can heal properly.” Scout quickly jerked his arm away at the implication, pressing his hand over the cut in a way that made Ludwig want to cringe.

“oh no no no. No. Way. Can't you just zap it with your medi-whatever and let me outta here?” Ludwig pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed for what must be the sixth time that afternoon.

“Nein, I can't. Zhe medigun only accelerates zhe natural healing process, und right now the state your arm is in ist not natural.” He almost rolled his eyes, surely he had explained this to Scout before. “Vhy are you so against me operating on it anyvays?”

“Uhhhh, because the last time you did I got a damn bird sown into my chest, remember?” Scout glared at the Medic, who, at this point, was struggling to retain his composure.

“I took it back out, didn't I? Besides, zhis isn't a heart transplant, dummkopf. I'm just going to clean out zhe vound und zhen patch it up.”

“But like, can't you just tell me what to do and I can operate it on myself?” Scout said, like the concept was completely normal. Ludwig wanted to scream.

“Nein! You idiot! You vould probably sever an artery or somezhing!” He didn't want to deal with this right now, he couldn't deal with this right now. Ludwig felt like he could be sick.

“Oh yeah? And what makes you think I'm so unqualified, huh?” Scout snapped, hopping off the table and getting up in Ludwig's face.

“Because you are severely untrained and practically a child!”

“And you're practically a psychopath! Dunno why they sent you here 'nstead a’ lockin you in some mental institution, ya fuckin maniac!” Something inside Ludwig broke as Scouts words. But instead of getting angrier, he simply let his shoulders slump back as heavy weight settled in his stomach.

“Get out of here.” He muttered, his voice already strained even by whispering.

“What? Why?” Ludwig couldn't stand it anymore.

“I said get OUT! Lass mich in Ruhe, bitte!!” He hated the clear crack in his voice, hated how weak he suddenly became. He couldn't care enough to look at Scouts reaction.

“Okay, okay! Geez…” There were light footsteps and the sound of the door opening and then slamming shut. The silence came down on Ludwig and suffocated him.

His knees buckled and he let himself fall to the floor, leaning back against a nearby support beam. His beloved Archimedes fluttered down from his perch to land in front of Ludwig's feet. The doctor held out a shaking hand for the dove to step onto.

“Vhat did I do wrong, Archimedes? Vhy can't they just trust me?” Ludwig's voice trembled. As expected, the silly bird couldn't understand his words or the meanings behind them, he only cooed and attempted to peck at the buttons on his sweater.

“Ich will nur helfen…” Ludwig held his companion close and failed not to weep. “bitte...Ich möchte, dass die mir Vertrauen…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> Lass mich in Ruhe, bitte: Leave me alone, please
> 
> Ich will nur helfen: I just want to help
> 
> bitte...Ich möchte, dass die mir Vertrauen: Please, I want them to trust me


	3. Respawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ludwig thought he knew what to expect when he learned about "Respawn"
> 
> Now he wishes he'd quit the moment the concept was brought up.
> 
> Words : 658

They had all been informed on the very first day, what respawn was and how it affected battles. As long as they stay within the range, no death will be permanent. No matter the damage, no matter the cause, they could always rely on returning to that point in pristine health.

Ludwig had plenty of questions about this. Did our opponents have a respawn? If so how what would the point of these battles be? How is it possible for such technology to exist- though that one wasn’t as significant considering what Ludwig himself had achieved.- And above all, why would they even need a medic if the threat of death was obsolete?

They left no room for these things to be asked, however. And so Ludwig kept his mouth shut just as he had been taught over all his life. If the question was important then he would be given a chance to ask it, and clearly there was no such chance being given.

It was a while until he had to witness this “respawn”, and longer until he had to experience it firsthand.

He heard a few of his teammates complaining about the feeling of respawning. At least he assumed that’s what they were complaining about, his English still terribly rusty. Part of him hoped he was misinterpreting it, hoped that it couldn’t be so unpleasant.

He was wrong.

It was the Scout. Ludwig had been on his tail, Medigun trained on the boy as they charged towards a control point, when a blast of an enemy’s rocket threw his colleague against a wall. Ludwig was quick to respond, covering the Scout’s body with his own to defend from any further harm. The boy’s teal uniform was drenched in crimson, coating the entire half of his body that had faced the blast. His face was contorted in pain, the words he was trying to speak made no sound.

There was no chance of him surviving.

Ludwig had been a combat medic for over a decade, the horror of seeing a dying patient never, ever faded.

The Scouts body went limp, and it wasn’t until the Soldier shook him violently and told him to get back in the action did Ludwig remember where he was.

The respawn would bring Scout back, it would be as if he never even got hurt at all.

But that didn’t ease his nerves one bit, and Ludwig found himself without a minute of sleep that night.

Only a few battles later did he find himself on the other end, knocked off the edge of a building by a Red Soldier and crippled on the rocky ground below. Ludwig couldn’t move, from the pain he could feel he knew many bones must have been broken or perhaps shattered. Each breath he forced into his lungs caused a searing pain that led him to believe one of his ribs was out of place and now puncturing the organ.

His body was going cold, the fleeting sensation of pain continued to fade as his nerves shut down along with his other bodily functions.

 _Im going to die._ Ludwig thought.

And he was right.

It was almost as if he blinked, and he was standing back at the starting point back in blu base. He scrambled to feel for his injuries only to find none. He was completely fine. 

He would have chalked such a thing up to a freakish daymare, if not for the drying pool of blood he found exactly where he had fallen prior.

He couldn’t sleep that night either.

Instead he stared at the ceiling, mind racing with paranoia. He wondered if it would ever be something he could get used to, he wondered if he even wanted to get used to it. Part of him questioned why he ever accepted the application into this army at all.

Because from what he could tell, it wasn’t an army.

It was hell.


End file.
